The fire begins to wither

I sit here tonight in a slight sadness and broken heart. Does no woman want a good man who is goal oriented around here. I am getting ready to spend my 28th valentines days single, i think this valentines day is going to make or break a huge part of me. I was such a nice guy for so long and everyone liked me, but no one wanted to date me, they wanted that guy who treated them like shit. Then i started to become a azz towards women then they were all like, i dont like the new steve, i want the old steve back. i have tried every dating site, including graigslist, and yet, not one lonily soul in seattle would even do dinner with me. I think I have every reason to be angry, hurt, sad, depressed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Had i not met some great freinds here i think i would have lost the edge. I even had one friend who found out i was straight and she completly stopped talking to me cause i she thought i was gay..lol but little did she realize that what she was looking for could have been staring her right in her face, someone who would push her to her limits, make her want to better herself, someone who would not only push her, but be there by her side every step of the way. I have said it before i am that guy who changes the toilet paper roll when its empty. OH and this is funny, this gal who i was talking to secretly without anyone knowing had stopped contacting me and blew me off, just text me saying that she was trying her EX out again, WOW yeah let him use and abuse babe, you just lost me, i am very ANGRY at this moment, and some of the thoughts that cross my mind are really crazy. What if i was born complete white, or complete black, or complete indian, whould i have this problem? p.s. you cant be born gay...lmfao...that aint my cup of tea..lol So for here on out I will never persue another woman, she will have to pesue me, cause i am too good to be persuing a woman anymore. P.s I am still a nice guy, just angry!!

What happen to our innocense

Its funny how love when we are young is so perfect, so innocent, ad so pure. We have no scares that prohibit our feelings, no walls have been built. Your palms get sweaty, your heart beats a little faster and you are left in awe. Here is a scene that I find displays what I wish we all could return to, our youth, our innocense, our pure selves before we were scar'd.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdblPsYM64M

So I sit and watch

Here I am sitting here in a coffee shop among all the college students, its so funny how I look as young as they do yet I am a little more reserved than they are, i guess the years have mellowed me out in certain aspects. I sit here pondering cause there is this gal that I have found myself very attracted to, but the problem is she is one of my patients. I have never crossed that due to the fact its a very thin line and very touchy. I was sitting here thinking have I become so lonily that I am attracted to a patient of mine?? But then I did some thinking, I know that I am lonily and that every gal I meet here in seattle is so shallow and cant see that I am that good guy they are looking for. I find it funny how the ladies here complain all the time about how they are dating someone who does not make them happy or they cant find a good guy. But through my thinking I realized that I have not become so lonily that I am attracted to my patient, but that had she not been my patient then she is the exact woman I would date. I guess it sucks cause I know the right thing is to avoid the situation at all cost, but then again who decides what is right from wrong? A great friend of mine just that i just met wrote this statment about me....

"I guess i dont really know you all that well, but i feel like the glimpses i see of you are worth a LOT! You have alot to give someone. I believe that a girl is lucky to be pursued by you"

WOW This really made me uplifted and made me feel like there is someone who wants me out there that will appreciate my personality and love for life. All to often people at first think i am this soft guy, but in reality I am a Deep guy, I get rough and tough with the best of them, I am moref active and aggressive than most guys my age and younger. My ex use to laugh at me cause I was the only guy that would be watching football and on a commercial flip to figure skating...lol But you see I dont see figure skating as girly, I look at it as art and PERFECTION, anyone can play football or basketball, but how many guys do you know that have the balls to figure skate? Next Month I will start taking lessions to learn the Cello and I am proud of that!!

I know sometimes my post may seem like I am trying to prove who I am, but thats not the case, I am just trying to give everyone a different look at how life is from my eyes!!

What a woman needs

You see most guys get into a relationship with a woman and once they get her they become comfortable and they let things go. You see from my experience you have to keep the passion going and still be spontanous. You cant keep your woman locked in a house or make her feel guilty everytime she goes out with friends. If you prevent her from having friends and being able to live the life she always wants then you will deprive her of life and she will become depressed, sad, and a little loony. As for the gals taking care of the guys, the rule is much more simple, dont change him and dont let him change you. Last but least, guess are simple, you treat them like a kid and he will respond to you with affection. It sad that some people never get or will understand what i just wrote!

If this is true then...

They say that if you dont use it, you will lose it. Now seeing as I have been single a long long time, gosh we are approaching 2 years now, I am a afraid that if I dont use it, I will lose it....:D lol So ya i met this gal at the ski pass the other day and we hit it off really well, only to find out later that everything she told me was about her sister and when we exchanged numbers it was her sisters number, I was a little pissed when i was told to take a hint and never call again...i only called once, there was no hint, last i checked everything was pretty good, well shame on me for thinking I finally landed a seattle gal...lol I wonder if her mom is single...lol

So I think this video is a solution to my finding a gal problem:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PKndk7vu-E

Sigh

Ok so i pulled my groin muscle almost 3 weeks ago, and it has put me out of running, and for those of you who are avid runners or avid anything active, that sucks. I have been going to the gym every other day to maintain stamina and muscle mass, but it is nothing to running outside. I was a little frustrated driving around lake washington this morning and seeing all the runners and bikers, i was like damn thats not fair, i should be running right now and enjoying the scenery....lol I am going to try for this marathon on march 22nd i think its in vancouver or oregon, so we'll see....:D

A slight refraction of light still glimmers

I wake in darkness to the cold splashing on my face. My heart is slowly racing. I slip out of bed and into some scrubs. I walk out the front door to complete utter silence. Nothing is moving, all i hear is my breath. I walk to the curb and I look down the street and I am amazed at how i have been blessed and how close i came to falling into the pit of darkness where many never come back from. I see how the patients faces light up as i walk onto the floor and how an old woman with a ragged old body starts to show life as i walk towards her. Her hands are worn from the years and gravity has been good to her. At the age of 97 she still has a sparkle in her eye. Her life is a mystery to me, but i can tell she lived life to her fullest and never do i see an ounce of sadness on her face. I dont know if I will even make it close to her age, but i know i want to live my life with no regrets, I want to have someone to share that joy that i have found in life. I want to climb every mountain here in washington and i want to see the beauty this place holds so secret. It might be cold, but my spirit will keep me warm. I remember the other night when i went snowboarding and i wonder off the trail on accident, the visiability was not more than ten feet, I was scared at first, i tumbled here and there. my ribs were bruised, my knees battered, and my forhead cut, but i never lost focus on the WHOLE PICTURE!