Monday, February 22, 2010

Hold me

It was late when I came back home, she was standing at the sink washing dishes, I know she had been in the hospital, she seemed so fragile in her scrubs an little pink and yellow pastel beanie. I cracked a joke and told her that she forgot to ask my permission before she had went to the hospital. Her eyes began to swell up and rain began to fall.

At this point my heart melted, I drew her closer and wrapped her in my arms. I don't remember how long we stood in the kitchen, I am not even sure If i began to cry, but I felt like did. I realized how fragile life was again, I realized my friend will one day not be here, so young, so innocent, why do I my friends keeping passing away.

The other day my ex contacted me also with bad news, and she said something that helped, its not about me, but God has been bringing people in my life for a reason and I am just going to have to trust him! This past week has been very hard, i keep wanting to break down in class, driving, with friends, its crazy.

If there was one song that describes how I feel and am it would be: Rich Mullins - Hold me jesus

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Learning Compassion a little everyday!

I feel lost at times, but I have found a medium in my life. I am no longer angry, I am relearning to that man that once was filled with so much love, love for people, love for life, the man that would puzzle those I came in contact with..they never understood why I was so cherry, so optimistic. All the pain and hurt I have seen in this world began to make me hard and cold. Everyday my heart grows softer. At times my words don't come out right, but I am working on it. I am finding hope a little more everyday, I am learning to trust a little more everyday, I am learning to be me a little more everyday!