Stepping away

Lately, I have seen myself withdrawing from people, to be more specific women. I had just somewhat just started seeing this very attractive gal and I was starting to really like her, I sent her a text the other day and nothing and I even sent her a text saying Happy Thanksgiving today and yet nothing, usually I would become a little annoyed that out of the blue I am being ignored, but to be honest I really just dont care anymore. If there is one thing I have learned about gals here in the northwest is you cant count on them and not to expect any kind of attachment unless it only benefiets them. One might say, hell it must bother you cause you are writting about it, I guess on some mental level it bothers me because I really value friendship and having a good social circle. I feel like running right now just to feel something, I am starting to understand myself even more since I have come up to seattle, I seek out danger and thrill, just for that high and intensity. I am noticing now sometime I miss being in the marines and having that brotherhood and that pure energy. I am staying for the next quarter of school and then I think i might head back to florida, I need to be around people who like to be social and not so passive and cliqy.

The need to feel wanted

Today, ....today my eye's watered for the first time in so long. I am ready to settle down, I look at people and couples and see how blind they are to what they have. I was once one of those people, and how naive i was, now my heart is broken. I hear people talk about how they wish they had someone, but most of them are so blind they can not even see whats staring them in the face. .............................................................I am wondering if it is time for me to head back home, or do I stick it out here in seattle a little longer, I just want to be surrounded by people who are loving, people who care, people who are not restricted to thier own cliq of friends, people who you can meet for the first time and it turns into a friendship that last, I have much to think about in the coming months, .....

Single and wondering or have i grown cold

I think seattle has made a little cold to relationships wether it is friends or significant others. I am almost completly turned off by the women I am meeting around here. So here is what i want for christmas..I gal who is a snow bunny or runner..oh and she cant be stuck up.....lol P.s. I am having a blast heading to the sports bars catching football on sundays..GO LIONS!!!!! Gonna spank the seahawks this sunday!!!!!

Karma and what If's

The young lady who was my supposed friend, who screwed me over when I had moved out of my place and then told me an hour before coming over that she let her sisters best friends cousin move in after know I had vacated my place and had no other place to go had a slight tragedy last week. Karma can be very crappy at times, I feel bad for her but most of all to the family who lost a son. Usually I was the designated driver when we all went out and at 230am on the sixth of september they were going back to thier place when there little party van broke down, so the guy got out the car to try and fix the car when a driver struck him on I-5, i had met this guy before and he was cool and i know she had a thing for him, she had to hold him in her arms as he died bleeding to death. I often wonder had she not screwed me over, had it altered just 5 seconds from every event within the next few days had they not been at the wrong spot at the wrong time would he be alive still? What if I was that one who got out the car to see what was wrong with the car, would i still be alive? I guess everything happens for a reason and that being screwed over, might have just been God saying I am protecting you! My heart still goes out to him and his family and even though she screwed me over I still feel bad for her and hope that these events end up changing how she treats people and make he stronger!

A swinger of Birches

We all have moments in our lives when something brings our lives to a halt. Wether it be a death or even a relationship. We start to slowly slip into a hole and it affects everything we do and everything we touch. The hardest part is telling ourselves that it is ok to start living again. Next month will be the one year mark of when I decided crawl out of a darkness i fell into. It has not been easy but I have made it. I overcame many trials and many setbacks. I start school again at the end of this month. And in about less than two years if all goes well i will finish one part of it and I will pick up and leave to a new city and find another adventure, another life, another home. I dont know if i will ever just stay in one place, maybe I will find that special someone that I have longed for, maybe I wont, but in the end I can say I lived a life that many will never know, many will never understand. Here is a poem that I have always held close to my heart and how I tend to see life.

When I see birches bend to left and right
Across the lines of straighter darker trees,
I like to think some boy's been swinging them.
But swinging doesn't bend them down to stay.
Ice-storms do that. Often you must have seen them
Loaded with ice a sunny winter morning
After a rain. They click upon themselves
As the breeze rises, and turn many-coloured
As the stir cracks and crazes their enamel.
Soon the sun's warmth makes them shed crystal shells
Shattering and avalanching on the snow-crust
Such heaps of broken glass to sweep away
You'd think the inner dome of heaven had fallen.
They are dragged to the withered bracken by the load,
And they seem not to break; though once they are bowed
So low for long, they never right themselves:
You may see their trunks arching in the woods
Years afterwards, trailing their leaves on the ground,
Like girls on hands and knees that throw their hair
Before them over their heads to dry in the sun.
But I was going to say when Truth broke in
With all her matter-of-fact about the ice-storm,
I should prefer to have some boy bend them
As he went out and in to fetch the cows--
Some boy too far from town to learn baseball,
Whose only play was what he found himself,
Summer or winter, and could play alone.
One by one he subdued his father's trees
By riding them down over and over again
Until he took the stiffness out of them,
And not one but hung limp, not one was left
For him to conquer. He learned all there was
To learn about not launching out too soon
And so not carrying the tree away
Clear to the ground. He always kept his poise
To the top branches, climbing carefully
With the same pains you use to fill a cup
Up to the brim, and even above the brim.
Then he flung outward, feet first, with a swish,
Kicking his way down through the air to the ground.
So was I once myself a swinger of birches.
And so I dream of going back to be.
It's when I'm weary of considerations,
And life is too much like a pathless wood
Where your face burns and tickles with the cobwebs
Broken across it, and one eye is weeping
From a twig's having lashed across it open.
I'd like to get away from earth awhile
And then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate wilfully misunderstand me
And half grant what I wish and snatch me away
Not to return. Earth's the right place for love:
I don't know where it's likely to go better.
I'd like to go by climbing a birch tree~
And climb black branches up a snow-white trunk
Toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more,
But dipped its top and set me down again.
That would be good both going and coming back.
One could do worse than be a swinger of birches.

By Rebort Frost

Cherishing and what matters!

Without reason, without rhyme the inner me is slightly changing. I am learning that alot of people in washington, or shall i say alot of people i run into don't really cherish a true friendship. I guess down south our priorities are not about self gain, but about networking with friends and family. I see so many unhappy older folks here and it makes me sad. Everyone has their own little social circles and many are afraid to step out of thier circle or let others in. This week I was suppose to move in with a friend and i had everything packed up and ready to move in after work, but just before i got off she called and said that her sisters best friends cousin needed a place and that i could not move in, i had already given my vacate notice and moved my stuff out and had no place to live anymore, and now she wont even talk to me. I have never been so screwed over until i moved here. I cant wait till i finish up my schooling then leave back to a land where people are real, people cherish friendships and most of all people are not afraid to speak up. Dont get me wrong, i love the beauty up here, but i guess you cant have everything in just one place. But there is one person i must say puts a smile on face everyday, well almost everyday..she is a Nadal obessed women..:D

Movies, scars, and the RUSH

This week i got alot of movie time, I must say that "The time travelers wife" is a awesome movie, you can feel everything the cast feels in the movie!! I also watched a christian relationship movie called "Fire Proof", kinda hit home a little bit, i wish i knew of the movie back then when things could have made a difference. There is a seen that show much truth, this guy glues the salt shaker and pepper shaker together, both are different, but yet you always seem them together. The other guy was about to take them apart, but before he did the guy warned him that if you try and seperate them you will break one of them or break both of them. Someone close to me the other day said they I have been broken and scar'd, I wish I could turn the clock back and and remove the scars.

I climbed up McClellan Butte yesterday and it was an amazing view and adventure. The last hundred and fifty feet up was a little scary, i wont lie, but after a bit, i was like hey i dont want to come all this way up not to ever see the top, the rush was amazing and in the end i was like hey if i drop, at least i know i lived a great life and went doing something i love doing!! I guess thats the way i look at life, why go all the way and stop short of the sweetness! :)

On other news, i am contemplating if i should do the seattle marathon, plagued by injuries all year, but still going strong, i am on 3 soccer teams during the week, with a possible 4th team. I am dying for the snow season to come back so i can get some series snowboard time in. OH OH OH My nfl team DETRIOT LIONS won thier first preseason game...watch out seattle, the Lions come to town in novemeber and we will pounce all over the seahawks!!

If anyone is interested in joining a hike, just let me know.

DragonBoat Racing and pathetic men

I am excited to start my new adventure I am doing something called the Dragon Boat race here in seattle, practice starts this friday and the race is next month. http://www.seattledragonboat.com/ I am back to running again and working out, injuries just keep piling up..ok so i am lying, i have just been lazy this month. :)

On other news I have been in lots of debate as to wether I will stay in seattle or leave, I love what this place offers, but I am tired of fake people. I live in a frat house pretty much, Co-ed and i love it, except the other guy named steve in the house, he has pretty much been acting like i am a threat and he is trying to practically screw every gal in the house, the funny thing is that i am smart enought to not screw my roommates, yeah some are hot, but once i cross that line i can never bring a date in the house. So there was one night where steve, hillary and i were on the couch relaxing and he was trying to get all over her and leaned over and said out loud to me hey "what was that girl you spent the night with last night" at this point I made him look stupied. This little ankle biter kept taking little cheap shots at me so one night I came home after a few drinks, and called him out when he was cuddling with a different gal of the house, he got pissed and got up and wanted to fight me, I made him lose his temper in front of the all the gals of the house, it was priceless. After I stood up and said I dont think you want to fight me, thats not a smart move, since then he has been on edge around me......lol Now I can be sitting on the couch with one of the gals of the house and he trys to squeeze between me and the other person and cuddle with whoever is next to me, very insecure in my opinion but oh well, i am use to men being intimidated by me. In my personal opinion seattle men are pathetic.

This how I feel about deaths and stars!!

The is how I personally feel about the whole micheal jackson death and all not saying he was a bad man but that america has its priorities all wrong!!

THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A SOLDIER IN IRAQ.

Okay, I need to rant.

I was just watching the news, and I caught part of a report on Michael
Jackson . As we all know, Jackson died the other day. He was an
entertainer who performed for decades. He made millions, he spent
millions, and he did a lot of things that make him a villian to many
people. I understand that his death would affect a lot of people, and
I respect those people who mourn his death, but that isn't the point
of my rant.

Why is it that when ONE man dies, the whole of America loses their
minds with grief. When a man dies whose only contribution to the
country was to ENTERTAIN people, the Amercian people find the need to
flock to a memorial in Hollywood , and even Congress sees the need to
hold a "moment of silence" for his passing?

Am I missing something here? ONE man dies, and all of a sudden he's a
freaking martyr because he entertained us for a few decades? What
about all those SOLDIERS who have died to give us freedom? All those
Soldiers who, knowing that they would be asked to fight in a war,
still raised their hands and swore to defend the Constitution and the
United States of America . Where is there moment of silence? Where
are the people flocking to their graves or memorials and mourning over
them because they made the ultimate sacrifice? Why is it when a
Soldier dies, there are more people saying "good ridence," and "thank
God for IEDs?" When did this country become so calloused to the
sacrifice of GOOD MEN and WOMEN, that they can arbitrarily blow off
thier deaths, and instead, throw themselves into mourning for a "Pop
Icon?"

I think that if they are going to hold a moment of silence IN CONGRESS
for Michael Jackson, they need to hold a moment of silence for every
service member killed in Iraq and Afghanistan . They need to PUBLICLY
recognize every life that has been lost so that the American people
can live their callous little lives in the luxory and freedom that WE,
those that are living and those that have gone on, have provided for
them. But, wait, that would take too much time, because there have
been so many willing to make that sacrifice. After all, we will never
make millions of dollars. We will never star in movies, or write hit
songs that the world will listen too. We only shed our blood, sweat
and tears so that people can enjoy what they have.

Sorry if I have offended, but I needed to say it. Feel free to pass
this along if you want.

Remember these five words the next time you think of someone who is
serving in the military;
"So that others may live..."


--
Isaac

Only two people have ever effectively given their lives for you.

Jesus Christ and The American G.I.

One died for your sins, the other died to give you freedom.

Random writings in choas times

Seattle, what do you say, everything I thought and dreamt it would be is not. I have come to realize that you always have an idea of what a place will be like. I cant say my experiences have been bad or good, just a little odd. I moved here and live in tukwila for a few weeks and that was ghetto, then i moved into madrona and loved it but way to family oriented which would be great if i had kids and was married, and currently I am living on Greek Row in a co-ed frat type house, I find it very intersting living with younger students, 3 guys including me and 6 gals, one guy is mellow, and the other is intimidated by me, anytime a gal from the house comes to sit next to me and talk, he runs over and trys to put his arms around her and pretends its just a friend thing, so one night I am emabarrassed him in front of the all tha gals of the house and he decided he would threaten me, lol well he learned real quick i am much stronger and alot more aggressive than he is. he has been treading careful around me lately.

So a friend of mine from work went to beerfest...all i am going to say is that my new drunk name is brandon...walking into parties and houses of people you dont know are awesome, but this is a once in a awhile time of thing for me.

I have more to write about but I will leave with this one qoute: Seattle people like to think they are nice, but in reality they are not. But I do have some great friends up here!!

The sun

The past few months have been very interesting, between dating and working....and seeing people come out of thier houses and being active, its very wierd. I adore the woman i am dating but we are so different which is good in some ways and bad in others. I guess the biggest thing is that we have our own opinions on God, I believe and she doesnt. That makes it really hard, but I am working on it. On other news i am moving out of Madrona and into the wallingford area next month. I cant wait. I am back to slowly running, twisted ankle from soccer took awhile to heal and i am still having to stretch my groin and work it out constantly. I look forward to making a post at the end of summer about how i feel about seattle as a whole. I do miss florida but I know dont want to go back to jacksonville, if i went back it would be more like miami. I am finishing up my rn license here and then i will travel. So how has everyone been?

Cloud 9

So as you call can tell, I have been kinda busy, but I will be returning to my writings very soon, my picture here explains where I have been and that I have been kidknapped by a woman, a very special woman who sees me for me..:D There is nothing cuter than when she wakes up before me just to make me coffee for work and kisses me out the door..:)

Two Cups of joe is where it began

Its a little dark, a little cold, and both a little scared. It happened in the most unscence circumstances in a very pecular way. They walk down to the pier downtown and talk small talk and smile at each other each time they make eye contact. He doesnt know wither to make a move or to go slow. Finally he works the courage up and sneaks in for a kiss, she is taken by his gesture and starts to mumble a little bit, not sure of what she is saying, she is nervious yet happy. He is not sure of her intentions, and puts his arm around her lower back and they look into the dark over the water and continue to make small talk. This was the night they first met a night they cant forget. From there they couldnt take thier hands off each other. There is a this mystery in her deep grey/blue eyes that he is trying to make out, there is curosity in her voice of where he came from. All they know is that they liked each other from the first time they saw each other, but both were scared to say anything, little did they know they both were dying to know more about each other inside. Thus is a story of two people who despite all circumstances and odds, met by some chance!

In the End

To live life to its fullest is to know how to really love someone even if it means having a heart broken or an unsuccessful love.

To the ends of the Earth

I sit here now and I wonder what my purpose is here in Seattle, I had a calling to come here and I dont know why. I was in a very dark hole the prior months to arriving in the gloomy yet colorful city. I don't understand the women here and most of all I don't get why everyone is so passive aggressive. I did end up going to a church here called city church and I must say I had alot of fun and its like everyone just welcomed me in as though I had been there for some time. I was asked the other day while walking with this gal I am interested in and she asked me, Could I see myself moving back to the east coast or ever leaving seattle....I thought for a second, and I was like you know I am a free guy and I am open to living anywhere, I would follow the gal that I am with to the ends of the earth if thats what her dreams are, I would move to europe, i would move to south africa, I would move to antartica for her. I am a simple guy and only want the simple things in life, although i do have a expensive lifestyle, but I dont flaunt it, i share it whenever I can, cause the way I see it is I could die tonight, but at least put a smile on someones face and I lived a great life!
Well I dont know who you are or where I will meet you or maybe I have met you, but I cant wait to spend a lifetime with you!

So far so good

I woke this morning rolled out of bed took a nice hot shower and headed to Richmond beach to run, its my first time running outside since my injury and all was well..until I got there and the beach was closed due to construction, kinda bummed i decided to take some friends advice and went to green lake to run, wow, i actually like that place, for the first time in a few weeks I was not bitter towards seattle women, i actually felt as though i was eye candy..lol thats kinda a good feeling after all the bad luck I have had with the gals here. Jane Doe thanks for the comment, You asked why am I single...lol I sit there and ask myself that question alot, i just dont think the women I run into are ready for a man like me yet, I dont like games and i got my stuff together, the ladies that I have seen around here, not all of them but alot of them chose a bunch losers or are to blind to see a good thing staring them right in the face. Not to be to cocky, but I do know that I will make some lady very happy one day!! I gave this gal who works at my gym my number the other day and she was an average gal and all i did was invite her to come hang out with some friends of mine cause she wants to karaoke and she stood me up, not even a call to say she wont make it, so I saw her yesterday and I was like oh man you missed you, and you didnt even call me..OUCH...she was speechless and couldnt even look me in the eye, ..lol now she has to see me every other day...cause i aint going nowhere..lol p.s. why do peoples Wives like me so much??? I never undstood why, but i attract married women, not a good thing for me..lol

V-Day

Spent my 28th V day single..lol 2 more years and i might break the record, but i had fun. Karaoke..what can i say

This touched me!!

This Song just about made me cry last night, this is how I feel!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LU59P1mq5fQ


Sometimes the night seems so lonely
When your lying there all alone
And tomorrow seems so far away
I don't wanna live another day this way.

Scared to love someone else
Can't bear the hurt again
But my body needs to feel a touch
Someone to come and wake me up.

I just want somebody to love me.
I just need somebody to hold me.
Somebody to love me...

Don't wanna let life pass me by
Never knowning what its like
To be as real as real can be
To share my life and know my dreams.

I just want somebody to love me.
I just need somebody to hold me.
Somebody to love me...

Cause I'm hurt and I'm scared and I'm lonely
All I want is somebody to want me
Cause I've got so much to give.

I just want somebody to love me.
I just need somebody to hold me.
Somebody to love me...

As the rosin dust begins to settle

There has been many ups and downs since I been here in Seattle. I am starting to understand why people are the way they are. In one of the most artistic cities I have ever been I see that no city, no dream, no relationship is perfect. There must be a sacrifice or a lose for a gain. I guess I gave up everything just to be free from everything, I came here not knowing what to expect, a part of me was like wow I would find someone so special and so unique, but I have come to realize that even in Seattle things just dont happen as fast as you like. I came here to accomplish all my dreams. So far they have been coming true one by one, and I lost focus of the big picture. So now I will accomplish my next dream of playing the Cello. Below are some lyrics from a song of jessica simpsons song "I Belong to me" I find these to be very true about my life even though I am nearing my second year of being single. :)

I belong to me...

It's not that I don't wanna share my life with you baby
It's just that I'm the one I need to be true to baby
And I won't give up me to be part of you
It's not that I don't wanna have you in my life baby
It's just you gotta know that it's got to be right baby
Before I open up my heart to you

I don't need somebody to complete me
I complete myself
Nobody's got to belong to somebody else

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
My heart is my possession
I'll be my own reflection
I belong to me
I'm one not half of two
And if you're gonna love me
You should know this baby
I belong to me

I gotta let you know before I let you in, baby
That who I am is not about who I am with, baby
That don't mean I don't wanna be here with you
I do

I don't need somebody to complete me
I want you to know
I'll give up my love but I'm not giving up my soul

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
My heart is my possession
I'll be my own reflection
I belong to me
I'm one not half of two
And if you're gonna love me
You should know this baby
I belong to me

Oh yea

Love don't mean changing who you are to be
Who somebody wants you to be
Nobody's got to belong to nobody

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
My heart is my possession
I'll be my own reflection

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
My heart is my possession
I'll be my own reflection
I belong to me
I'm one not half of two
And if you gonna love me
You should know this baby
I belong to me

The Shades of gray

The wooden floors start to creek, the pictures lean crooked on the wall, the windows have begin to thin out through the years. The vines are slowing smothering this house that once was so beautiful. The leaves are slowly trickling down to the ground one by one. To many times I have cared to much or stood on the edge. So please dont walk to close, please dont sing, please dont lay so close, or hold my hand those things touch me to much and I dont want to fall anymore!!

Bitterness

They always say that you should live in L.A. but leave before it makes you hard, that you should live in san francisco but leave before it makes you soft. I think the new L.A. is seattle. I know I have been trying to find that special someone since I have gotten here and I have had some of the worse things happens to in the dating aspect of my adventure here. I didnt realize just how bitter the past 3 months here in seattle have made me towards seattle women in general. The only ones that have been somewhat stable are the ones who are my friends. I learned that if someone does not show up or call like they are suppose to, not to take it personal, but that its just the way of life is around here. From seeing my behavor the past week i have realzed that I need to find some meduim area to deal with the ladies of seattle. ( not saying that seattle woman are not having a hard time either). Just today I was walking downtown to catch a movie and saw this gal and was like wow she is pretty and not a second later, I had it made up in my mind that she was a seattle gal and I not going to even give her the time of day. A great friend told me what this one guy did when he asked this gal to dance with him and she was very rude to him ...he then turned to her and said "What the Fuck are you so picky, I wasnt"! I about died cause that was sweet and mean all at the same time. On light of that, leading up to the events of my bitterness, there was this gal on my soccer team that showed some interest in me and we all ended up going to get a bite to eat and a drink, everything was going good, so I gave her my number and I did not ask for hers, and She was like, Arent you going to ask for mine..I was like wow, so she is into me....lol so i text her the next and then two days later I just text her to see what she was up to and about two mins later she sent a reply back to me, although she sent the wrong text to me...she sent this "Steven just texted me again!!! WTF!!!!! At this point I called her on it and told her I was deleting her number and not worry about it anymore if that is how she feels about me..sorry for bothering you". She then replied back and said Oh no dont be sorry, its my fault! and that she was quiting soccer after tonights game....(well I played soccer tonight so i am interested to see her actions tonight" So if anyone has advice on how to deal with the crazy women I am running into, I am all ears!!

The Bite

Last night I had a bad dream where i was biten by a snake (viper) and I was rushed to the hospital, in the dream i had just got done surfing. Really really wierd, i read the dream books and it says there is a jealous ememy or i need to be careful with my health...scary......eehhhhh

The fire begins to wither

I sit here tonight in a slight sadness and broken heart. Does no woman want a good man who is goal oriented around here. I am getting ready to spend my 28th valentines days single, i think this valentines day is going to make or break a huge part of me. I was such a nice guy for so long and everyone liked me, but no one wanted to date me, they wanted that guy who treated them like shit. Then i started to become a azz towards women then they were all like, i dont like the new steve, i want the old steve back. i have tried every dating site, including graigslist, and yet, not one lonily soul in seattle would even do dinner with me. I think I have every reason to be angry, hurt, sad, depressed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Had i not met some great freinds here i think i would have lost the edge. I even had one friend who found out i was straight and she completly stopped talking to me cause i she thought i was gay..lol but little did she realize that what she was looking for could have been staring her right in her face, someone who would push her to her limits, make her want to better herself, someone who would not only push her, but be there by her side every step of the way. I have said it before i am that guy who changes the toilet paper roll when its empty. OH and this is funny, this gal who i was talking to secretly without anyone knowing had stopped contacting me and blew me off, just text me saying that she was trying her EX out again, WOW yeah let him use and abuse babe, you just lost me, i am very ANGRY at this moment, and some of the thoughts that cross my mind are really crazy. What if i was born complete white, or complete black, or complete indian, whould i have this problem? p.s. you cant be born gay...lmfao...that aint my cup of tea..lol So for here on out I will never persue another woman, she will have to pesue me, cause i am too good to be persuing a woman anymore. P.s I am still a nice guy, just angry!!

What happen to our innocense

Its funny how love when we are young is so perfect, so innocent, ad so pure. We have no scares that prohibit our feelings, no walls have been built. Your palms get sweaty, your heart beats a little faster and you are left in awe. Here is a scene that I find displays what I wish we all could return to, our youth, our innocense, our pure selves before we were scar'd.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdblPsYM64M

So I sit and watch

Here I am sitting here in a coffee shop among all the college students, its so funny how I look as young as they do yet I am a little more reserved than they are, i guess the years have mellowed me out in certain aspects. I sit here pondering cause there is this gal that I have found myself very attracted to, but the problem is she is one of my patients. I have never crossed that due to the fact its a very thin line and very touchy. I was sitting here thinking have I become so lonily that I am attracted to a patient of mine?? But then I did some thinking, I know that I am lonily and that every gal I meet here in seattle is so shallow and cant see that I am that good guy they are looking for. I find it funny how the ladies here complain all the time about how they are dating someone who does not make them happy or they cant find a good guy. But through my thinking I realized that I have not become so lonily that I am attracted to my patient, but that had she not been my patient then she is the exact woman I would date. I guess it sucks cause I know the right thing is to avoid the situation at all cost, but then again who decides what is right from wrong? A great friend of mine just that i just met wrote this statment about me....

"I guess i dont really know you all that well, but i feel like the glimpses i see of you are worth a LOT! You have alot to give someone. I believe that a girl is lucky to be pursued by you"

WOW This really made me uplifted and made me feel like there is someone who wants me out there that will appreciate my personality and love for life. All to often people at first think i am this soft guy, but in reality I am a Deep guy, I get rough and tough with the best of them, I am moref active and aggressive than most guys my age and younger. My ex use to laugh at me cause I was the only guy that would be watching football and on a commercial flip to figure skating...lol But you see I dont see figure skating as girly, I look at it as art and PERFECTION, anyone can play football or basketball, but how many guys do you know that have the balls to figure skate? Next Month I will start taking lessions to learn the Cello and I am proud of that!!

I know sometimes my post may seem like I am trying to prove who I am, but thats not the case, I am just trying to give everyone a different look at how life is from my eyes!!

What a woman needs

You see most guys get into a relationship with a woman and once they get her they become comfortable and they let things go. You see from my experience you have to keep the passion going and still be spontanous. You cant keep your woman locked in a house or make her feel guilty everytime she goes out with friends. If you prevent her from having friends and being able to live the life she always wants then you will deprive her of life and she will become depressed, sad, and a little loony. As for the gals taking care of the guys, the rule is much more simple, dont change him and dont let him change you. Last but least, guess are simple, you treat them like a kid and he will respond to you with affection. It sad that some people never get or will understand what i just wrote!

If this is true then...

They say that if you dont use it, you will lose it. Now seeing as I have been single a long long time, gosh we are approaching 2 years now, I am a afraid that if I dont use it, I will lose it....:D lol So ya i met this gal at the ski pass the other day and we hit it off really well, only to find out later that everything she told me was about her sister and when we exchanged numbers it was her sisters number, I was a little pissed when i was told to take a hint and never call again...i only called once, there was no hint, last i checked everything was pretty good, well shame on me for thinking I finally landed a seattle gal...lol I wonder if her mom is single...lol

So I think this video is a solution to my finding a gal problem:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PKndk7vu-E

Sigh

Ok so i pulled my groin muscle almost 3 weeks ago, and it has put me out of running, and for those of you who are avid runners or avid anything active, that sucks. I have been going to the gym every other day to maintain stamina and muscle mass, but it is nothing to running outside. I was a little frustrated driving around lake washington this morning and seeing all the runners and bikers, i was like damn thats not fair, i should be running right now and enjoying the scenery....lol I am going to try for this marathon on march 22nd i think its in vancouver or oregon, so we'll see....:D

A slight refraction of light still glimmers

I wake in darkness to the cold splashing on my face. My heart is slowly racing. I slip out of bed and into some scrubs. I walk out the front door to complete utter silence. Nothing is moving, all i hear is my breath. I walk to the curb and I look down the street and I am amazed at how i have been blessed and how close i came to falling into the pit of darkness where many never come back from. I see how the patients faces light up as i walk onto the floor and how an old woman with a ragged old body starts to show life as i walk towards her. Her hands are worn from the years and gravity has been good to her. At the age of 97 she still has a sparkle in her eye. Her life is a mystery to me, but i can tell she lived life to her fullest and never do i see an ounce of sadness on her face. I dont know if I will even make it close to her age, but i know i want to live my life with no regrets, I want to have someone to share that joy that i have found in life. I want to climb every mountain here in washington and i want to see the beauty this place holds so secret. It might be cold, but my spirit will keep me warm. I remember the other night when i went snowboarding and i wonder off the trail on accident, the visiability was not more than ten feet, I was scared at first, i tumbled here and there. my ribs were bruised, my knees battered, and my forhead cut, but i never lost focus on the WHOLE PICTURE!

Fighting the pain

Well I went to bellingham, but got there only because i was suppose to go to anacortis and i missed the turn..lol I went with a friend that was a potential date, but I think she makes a better friend for me. I am thinking that maybe I am to picky, but I know that one day I find that special someone. My ex is very jealous that I am living the life she wants...lol That makes me feel better, she calls me complaining that her life sucks and that its not fair. I wont lie I do miss her, but there is no way she would ever want to be with me, personally i dont give a damn anymore. We did it to ourselves, we ruined it, we are the reason things ended!!! As for my running, it sucks i have been down three weeks almost now, but i have been going to the gym to workout and do the bike every other day. I noticed that i am not taking in enough calories and carbs. Its funny cause i remember my friend mo trying to load up on her calorie intake, i was like damn she eats more than me, but now i realize that she was smart about that and hence i have up'd my diet also. P.s. my roomie keeps giving me curves bars...i hope there is no estrogen in them...lol I ended up playing soccer last night and I was scared that i would not be able to run and kick like i wanted to, but i did pretty good last night, i was able to control the ball and fake out everyone, but this one girl got me good once, i guess she had been watching me very carefully and i as i went to fake her i backed up and slide the ball between her feet and turned back around and my ball was gone, she had stole it, as she passed me she smiled at me and said "nice moves" i kindly smiled at her and laughed, it was funny and she was so nice about it..lol Well i hoping to be able to run this weekend, but we will see!!

WOW

Ok I just want to vent this time, so there is this girl i know and everytime i have hung out in a group of friends her man is always drunk, and everytime he has single handedly picked me out to start talking trash. Once again another girl with a complete dumbass guy who can even defend her cause he is to drunk to stand up. He completly made the waitress feel uncomfortable with crude remarks and was hitting on chicks with his girl by his side. WOW she's a bright one!! SO here is what i have to say, if you man ever gets in my face again, i am going to beat the hell out of him so that when he wakes up in the morning not only will he have a hang over but he will also have a new face to look at..that is after the swelling goes done. If i ever see a man act so disrespectful towards another woman when he is around me, he is not going to know what hit him!!! You see people in seattle are non aggressive and dont speak up, i am not a violent guy and i dont like to fight, but please dont mistake my kindness as weakness!! And for those who think i am to soft of a guy, ...this what i have to say....When you have seen life taken so many times in front of your eyes, when you have seen a 90 old woman lose her husband of 60 years, or that young mother lose her first born, or a family of 4 kids lose thier daddy, you two would have your heart changed and be a little softer.

Within

All you have to do is open yourself up,
all you have to do is listen,
Where i have grown up they tried to stop me from hearing the music, but when i am alone it builds up within in me and if i could learn how to play it then the world might understand me!

One string at a time

So far I have been here just a little over 2 months now and many things have touched me. I sit back alot these days and observe the behavors of seattle people and i find them very fasincating. Its like everyone is so different! Its like they are all striving for the same thing, but all going about finding it on thier own terms and understanding. I am no longer looking or not sure I am even wanting, I am letting certian dreams and visions fade into black. For some reason I have had this feeling that my time may be cut short, how or why I dont know, but its a feeling that maybe I was sent here to complete one final thing in life before flying away. I have overcome many set backs health wise and I am stronger than ever, i think my patients sometimes look up to me for encouragement and hope and I hope that I have touched a few along the way and give them reason to keep pushing!

hmmmmm

Ok just a few things on my mind...Firs thing first, people if you want to lose weight or get the most out f your work out, you dont eat much before excercising, a buddy at work was asking why he couldnt lose weight, he would take all this energy/calorie stuff just before, you see when you do thatt you tend to burn the calories you just ate not what you have stored up..lol Secondly.....

Ok, so there is this gal, she is 20, just had a baby in dec..she is a sweat heart and seems to know what she wants, and i wont lie i am very attracted to her and vice versa, my heart says yes, but my mind says steve, you know better than to date a gal so young..i am trying to be open minded, but i just dont want to get burned again. This is the first girl that has taken any interest in me in the past 2 years, so i am like omg, a girl likes me....sad huh, but unlike other guys, i tend to be a softie at times and girls dont like softies that have thier stuff together they like guys who are badasses and have thier thier stuff all messed up...so i need some advice, do i go for her and see what happens? and to be honest i will probably go after to her despite what anyone says...lol i do have to say i am glad its not a guy hitting on me this time, i will say i am tired of guys trying to pick me up, i am striaght and thats just how it is...i like woman, not men!!! to each thier own...:) if this dont work i am getting me a mail order bride...lol...j/k i think

Complete Freedom

Yesterday for the first time in two year I went snowboarding. Due to life changing events I missed last season. I went with a friend from work and we took off at 6am to catch a shuttle just 40 miles outside stevens pass. I didnt have any boarding pants so i ended up wearing hot chilli spandex under some jeans and it worked out very well. I have never hit fresh powder before so it was quiet an experience. The first few runs on the powder I whipped out a few times and had to dig myself out, within a few runs I was already hitting the jumps and let me tell jumps on powder is just so awesome, i felt so free and .....yeah free...lol There was a funny moment though, I was coming down pretty fast and i notce this group of 3 girls sitting down so i slowed down so i would not hit them and as i approached a little closer one of them look at me (they were cute) and i looked back with comlete innocense and I must have just lost track of my board and i face planted right between them and they giggled and said Well hello....its nice to meet you...lol So at this oint I am sure i turned a little red but I kept it together and said hi and talked for a second and got back up and continued on my journey. That eveningas i entered the bus to head back people were like man your hardcorp for wearing just jeans...and i laughed...well i didnt laugh very long cause i realized that now that i was not snowboarding anymore i was starting to get cold and my jeans became drenched, so my buddy was like just take your pants off and wear your spandex, i was like no dude i will look funny and wierd. Well after shivering my butt off, i finally broke down and took off my jeans and wore just the spandex ...lmao So here i was snow boots, spandex pants, 2 fleeces, a beanie, and ear warmer fleece on....let me tell you all the girls where checking my butt out....and the guys would look at me then quickly look away...it was priceless.....lol Well today I am here at the house relaxing and i might go for a walk or something, i was going to go hiking but people were like the weather is suppose to be really bad...wait wait...is that the sun shining outside....hmmmmm

My worst fear just came true

I was playing soccer last sunday and pulled my groin muscle and now when i walk at a certian angle there feels like a bone popping out...AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Regardless i am hiking tommorrow no matter how bad it hurts, i will ice it tonight and stretch. On other news, i am glad 2008 is over, turns out i had another friend killed just days before christmas, raising the death of my friends last year to 4...my goal is to make friends and not have them pass away this year...i know i make this sound funny, but in my line of profession death is a normal thing, although i have my ups and downs and right now i cant afford to be sad, so dedicate all my friends who have been taken prematurely last year I will climb to the top of Mt. Rainer and do my famous pose for you...:) p.s. i got me some spandex pants..damn i have nice legs...lol