In the End

To live life to its fullest is to know how to really love someone even if it means having a heart broken or an unsuccessful love.

To the ends of the Earth

I sit here now and I wonder what my purpose is here in Seattle, I had a calling to come here and I dont know why. I was in a very dark hole the prior months to arriving in the gloomy yet colorful city. I don't understand the women here and most of all I don't get why everyone is so passive aggressive. I did end up going to a church here called city church and I must say I had alot of fun and its like everyone just welcomed me in as though I had been there for some time. I was asked the other day while walking with this gal I am interested in and she asked me, Could I see myself moving back to the east coast or ever leaving seattle....I thought for a second, and I was like you know I am a free guy and I am open to living anywhere, I would follow the gal that I am with to the ends of the earth if thats what her dreams are, I would move to europe, i would move to south africa, I would move to antartica for her. I am a simple guy and only want the simple things in life, although i do have a expensive lifestyle, but I dont flaunt it, i share it whenever I can, cause the way I see it is I could die tonight, but at least put a smile on someones face and I lived a great life!
Well I dont know who you are or where I will meet you or maybe I have met you, but I cant wait to spend a lifetime with you!

So far so good

I woke this morning rolled out of bed took a nice hot shower and headed to Richmond beach to run, its my first time running outside since my injury and all was well..until I got there and the beach was closed due to construction, kinda bummed i decided to take some friends advice and went to green lake to run, wow, i actually like that place, for the first time in a few weeks I was not bitter towards seattle women, i actually felt as though i was eye candy..lol thats kinda a good feeling after all the bad luck I have had with the gals here. Jane Doe thanks for the comment, You asked why am I single...lol I sit there and ask myself that question alot, i just dont think the women I run into are ready for a man like me yet, I dont like games and i got my stuff together, the ladies that I have seen around here, not all of them but alot of them chose a bunch losers or are to blind to see a good thing staring them right in the face. Not to be to cocky, but I do know that I will make some lady very happy one day!! I gave this gal who works at my gym my number the other day and she was an average gal and all i did was invite her to come hang out with some friends of mine cause she wants to karaoke and she stood me up, not even a call to say she wont make it, so I saw her yesterday and I was like oh man you missed you, and you didnt even call me..OUCH...she was speechless and couldnt even look me in the eye, ..lol now she has to see me every other day...cause i aint going nowhere..lol p.s. why do peoples Wives like me so much??? I never undstood why, but i attract married women, not a good thing for me..lol

V-Day

Spent my 28th V day single..lol 2 more years and i might break the record, but i had fun. Karaoke..what can i say

This touched me!!

This Song just about made me cry last night, this is how I feel!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LU59P1mq5fQ


Sometimes the night seems so lonely
When your lying there all alone
And tomorrow seems so far away
I don't wanna live another day this way.

Scared to love someone else
Can't bear the hurt again
But my body needs to feel a touch
Someone to come and wake me up.

I just want somebody to love me.
I just need somebody to hold me.
Somebody to love me...

Don't wanna let life pass me by
Never knowning what its like
To be as real as real can be
To share my life and know my dreams.

I just want somebody to love me.
I just need somebody to hold me.
Somebody to love me...

Cause I'm hurt and I'm scared and I'm lonely
All I want is somebody to want me
Cause I've got so much to give.

I just want somebody to love me.
I just need somebody to hold me.
Somebody to love me...

As the rosin dust begins to settle

There has been many ups and downs since I been here in Seattle. I am starting to understand why people are the way they are. In one of the most artistic cities I have ever been I see that no city, no dream, no relationship is perfect. There must be a sacrifice or a lose for a gain. I guess I gave up everything just to be free from everything, I came here not knowing what to expect, a part of me was like wow I would find someone so special and so unique, but I have come to realize that even in Seattle things just dont happen as fast as you like. I came here to accomplish all my dreams. So far they have been coming true one by one, and I lost focus of the big picture. So now I will accomplish my next dream of playing the Cello. Below are some lyrics from a song of jessica simpsons song "I Belong to me" I find these to be very true about my life even though I am nearing my second year of being single. :)

I belong to me...

It's not that I don't wanna share my life with you baby
It's just that I'm the one I need to be true to baby
And I won't give up me to be part of you
It's not that I don't wanna have you in my life baby
It's just you gotta know that it's got to be right baby
Before I open up my heart to you

I don't need somebody to complete me
I complete myself
Nobody's got to belong to somebody else

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
My heart is my possession
I'll be my own reflection
I belong to me
I'm one not half of two
And if you're gonna love me
You should know this baby
I belong to me

I gotta let you know before I let you in, baby
That who I am is not about who I am with, baby
That don't mean I don't wanna be here with you
I do

I don't need somebody to complete me
I want you to know
I'll give up my love but I'm not giving up my soul

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
My heart is my possession
I'll be my own reflection
I belong to me
I'm one not half of two
And if you're gonna love me
You should know this baby
I belong to me

Oh yea

Love don't mean changing who you are to be
Who somebody wants you to be
Nobody's got to belong to nobody

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
My heart is my possession
I'll be my own reflection

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
My heart is my possession
I'll be my own reflection
I belong to me
I'm one not half of two
And if you gonna love me
You should know this baby
I belong to me

The Shades of gray

The wooden floors start to creek, the pictures lean crooked on the wall, the windows have begin to thin out through the years. The vines are slowing smothering this house that once was so beautiful. The leaves are slowly trickling down to the ground one by one. To many times I have cared to much or stood on the edge. So please dont walk to close, please dont sing, please dont lay so close, or hold my hand those things touch me to much and I dont want to fall anymore!!

Bitterness

They always say that you should live in L.A. but leave before it makes you hard, that you should live in san francisco but leave before it makes you soft. I think the new L.A. is seattle. I know I have been trying to find that special someone since I have gotten here and I have had some of the worse things happens to in the dating aspect of my adventure here. I didnt realize just how bitter the past 3 months here in seattle have made me towards seattle women in general. The only ones that have been somewhat stable are the ones who are my friends. I learned that if someone does not show up or call like they are suppose to, not to take it personal, but that its just the way of life is around here. From seeing my behavor the past week i have realzed that I need to find some meduim area to deal with the ladies of seattle. ( not saying that seattle woman are not having a hard time either). Just today I was walking downtown to catch a movie and saw this gal and was like wow she is pretty and not a second later, I had it made up in my mind that she was a seattle gal and I not going to even give her the time of day. A great friend told me what this one guy did when he asked this gal to dance with him and she was very rude to him ...he then turned to her and said "What the Fuck are you so picky, I wasnt"! I about died cause that was sweet and mean all at the same time. On light of that, leading up to the events of my bitterness, there was this gal on my soccer team that showed some interest in me and we all ended up going to get a bite to eat and a drink, everything was going good, so I gave her my number and I did not ask for hers, and She was like, Arent you going to ask for mine..I was like wow, so she is into me....lol so i text her the next and then two days later I just text her to see what she was up to and about two mins later she sent a reply back to me, although she sent the wrong text to me...she sent this "Steven just texted me again!!! WTF!!!!! At this point I called her on it and told her I was deleting her number and not worry about it anymore if that is how she feels about me..sorry for bothering you". She then replied back and said Oh no dont be sorry, its my fault! and that she was quiting soccer after tonights game....(well I played soccer tonight so i am interested to see her actions tonight" So if anyone has advice on how to deal with the crazy women I am running into, I am all ears!!

The Bite

Last night I had a bad dream where i was biten by a snake (viper) and I was rushed to the hospital, in the dream i had just got done surfing. Really really wierd, i read the dream books and it says there is a jealous ememy or i need to be careful with my health...scary......eehhhhh

The fire begins to wither

I sit here tonight in a slight sadness and broken heart. Does no woman want a good man who is goal oriented around here. I am getting ready to spend my 28th valentines days single, i think this valentines day is going to make or break a huge part of me. I was such a nice guy for so long and everyone liked me, but no one wanted to date me, they wanted that guy who treated them like shit. Then i started to become a azz towards women then they were all like, i dont like the new steve, i want the old steve back. i have tried every dating site, including graigslist, and yet, not one lonily soul in seattle would even do dinner with me. I think I have every reason to be angry, hurt, sad, depressed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Had i not met some great freinds here i think i would have lost the edge. I even had one friend who found out i was straight and she completly stopped talking to me cause i she thought i was gay..lol but little did she realize that what she was looking for could have been staring her right in her face, someone who would push her to her limits, make her want to better herself, someone who would not only push her, but be there by her side every step of the way. I have said it before i am that guy who changes the toilet paper roll when its empty. OH and this is funny, this gal who i was talking to secretly without anyone knowing had stopped contacting me and blew me off, just text me saying that she was trying her EX out again, WOW yeah let him use and abuse babe, you just lost me, i am very ANGRY at this moment, and some of the thoughts that cross my mind are really crazy. What if i was born complete white, or complete black, or complete indian, whould i have this problem? p.s. you cant be born gay...lmfao...that aint my cup of tea..lol So for here on out I will never persue another woman, she will have to pesue me, cause i am too good to be persuing a woman anymore. P.s I am still a nice guy, just angry!!