What happen to our innocense

Its funny how love when we are young is so perfect, so innocent, ad so pure. We have no scares that prohibit our feelings, no walls have been built. Your palms get sweaty, your heart beats a little faster and you are left in awe. Here is a scene that I find displays what I wish we all could return to, our youth, our innocense, our pure selves before we were scar'd.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdblPsYM64M

So I sit and watch

Here I am sitting here in a coffee shop among all the college students, its so funny how I look as young as they do yet I am a little more reserved than they are, i guess the years have mellowed me out in certain aspects. I sit here pondering cause there is this gal that I have found myself very attracted to, but the problem is she is one of my patients. I have never crossed that due to the fact its a very thin line and very touchy. I was sitting here thinking have I become so lonily that I am attracted to a patient of mine?? But then I did some thinking, I know that I am lonily and that every gal I meet here in seattle is so shallow and cant see that I am that good guy they are looking for. I find it funny how the ladies here complain all the time about how they are dating someone who does not make them happy or they cant find a good guy. But through my thinking I realized that I have not become so lonily that I am attracted to my patient, but that had she not been my patient then she is the exact woman I would date. I guess it sucks cause I know the right thing is to avoid the situation at all cost, but then again who decides what is right from wrong? A great friend of mine just that i just met wrote this statment about me....

"I guess i dont really know you all that well, but i feel like the glimpses i see of you are worth a LOT! You have alot to give someone. I believe that a girl is lucky to be pursued by you"

WOW This really made me uplifted and made me feel like there is someone who wants me out there that will appreciate my personality and love for life. All to often people at first think i am this soft guy, but in reality I am a Deep guy, I get rough and tough with the best of them, I am moref active and aggressive than most guys my age and younger. My ex use to laugh at me cause I was the only guy that would be watching football and on a commercial flip to figure skating...lol But you see I dont see figure skating as girly, I look at it as art and PERFECTION, anyone can play football or basketball, but how many guys do you know that have the balls to figure skate? Next Month I will start taking lessions to learn the Cello and I am proud of that!!

I know sometimes my post may seem like I am trying to prove who I am, but thats not the case, I am just trying to give everyone a different look at how life is from my eyes!!

What a woman needs

You see most guys get into a relationship with a woman and once they get her they become comfortable and they let things go. You see from my experience you have to keep the passion going and still be spontanous. You cant keep your woman locked in a house or make her feel guilty everytime she goes out with friends. If you prevent her from having friends and being able to live the life she always wants then you will deprive her of life and she will become depressed, sad, and a little loony. As for the gals taking care of the guys, the rule is much more simple, dont change him and dont let him change you. Last but least, guess are simple, you treat them like a kid and he will respond to you with affection. It sad that some people never get or will understand what i just wrote!

If this is true then...

They say that if you dont use it, you will lose it. Now seeing as I have been single a long long time, gosh we are approaching 2 years now, I am a afraid that if I dont use it, I will lose it....:D lol So ya i met this gal at the ski pass the other day and we hit it off really well, only to find out later that everything she told me was about her sister and when we exchanged numbers it was her sisters number, I was a little pissed when i was told to take a hint and never call again...i only called once, there was no hint, last i checked everything was pretty good, well shame on me for thinking I finally landed a seattle gal...lol I wonder if her mom is single...lol

So I think this video is a solution to my finding a gal problem:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PKndk7vu-E

Sigh

Ok so i pulled my groin muscle almost 3 weeks ago, and it has put me out of running, and for those of you who are avid runners or avid anything active, that sucks. I have been going to the gym every other day to maintain stamina and muscle mass, but it is nothing to running outside. I was a little frustrated driving around lake washington this morning and seeing all the runners and bikers, i was like damn thats not fair, i should be running right now and enjoying the scenery....lol I am going to try for this marathon on march 22nd i think its in vancouver or oregon, so we'll see....:D

A slight refraction of light still glimmers

I wake in darkness to the cold splashing on my face. My heart is slowly racing. I slip out of bed and into some scrubs. I walk out the front door to complete utter silence. Nothing is moving, all i hear is my breath. I walk to the curb and I look down the street and I am amazed at how i have been blessed and how close i came to falling into the pit of darkness where many never come back from. I see how the patients faces light up as i walk onto the floor and how an old woman with a ragged old body starts to show life as i walk towards her. Her hands are worn from the years and gravity has been good to her. At the age of 97 she still has a sparkle in her eye. Her life is a mystery to me, but i can tell she lived life to her fullest and never do i see an ounce of sadness on her face. I dont know if I will even make it close to her age, but i know i want to live my life with no regrets, I want to have someone to share that joy that i have found in life. I want to climb every mountain here in washington and i want to see the beauty this place holds so secret. It might be cold, but my spirit will keep me warm. I remember the other night when i went snowboarding and i wonder off the trail on accident, the visiability was not more than ten feet, I was scared at first, i tumbled here and there. my ribs were bruised, my knees battered, and my forhead cut, but i never lost focus on the WHOLE PICTURE!

Fighting the pain

Well I went to bellingham, but got there only because i was suppose to go to anacortis and i missed the turn..lol I went with a friend that was a potential date, but I think she makes a better friend for me. I am thinking that maybe I am to picky, but I know that one day I find that special someone. My ex is very jealous that I am living the life she wants...lol That makes me feel better, she calls me complaining that her life sucks and that its not fair. I wont lie I do miss her, but there is no way she would ever want to be with me, personally i dont give a damn anymore. We did it to ourselves, we ruined it, we are the reason things ended!!! As for my running, it sucks i have been down three weeks almost now, but i have been going to the gym to workout and do the bike every other day. I noticed that i am not taking in enough calories and carbs. Its funny cause i remember my friend mo trying to load up on her calorie intake, i was like damn she eats more than me, but now i realize that she was smart about that and hence i have up'd my diet also. P.s. my roomie keeps giving me curves bars...i hope there is no estrogen in them...lol I ended up playing soccer last night and I was scared that i would not be able to run and kick like i wanted to, but i did pretty good last night, i was able to control the ball and fake out everyone, but this one girl got me good once, i guess she had been watching me very carefully and i as i went to fake her i backed up and slide the ball between her feet and turned back around and my ball was gone, she had stole it, as she passed me she smiled at me and said "nice moves" i kindly smiled at her and laughed, it was funny and she was so nice about it..lol Well i hoping to be able to run this weekend, but we will see!!

WOW

Ok I just want to vent this time, so there is this girl i know and everytime i have hung out in a group of friends her man is always drunk, and everytime he has single handedly picked me out to start talking trash. Once again another girl with a complete dumbass guy who can even defend her cause he is to drunk to stand up. He completly made the waitress feel uncomfortable with crude remarks and was hitting on chicks with his girl by his side. WOW she's a bright one!! SO here is what i have to say, if you man ever gets in my face again, i am going to beat the hell out of him so that when he wakes up in the morning not only will he have a hang over but he will also have a new face to look at..that is after the swelling goes done. If i ever see a man act so disrespectful towards another woman when he is around me, he is not going to know what hit him!!! You see people in seattle are non aggressive and dont speak up, i am not a violent guy and i dont like to fight, but please dont mistake my kindness as weakness!! And for those who think i am to soft of a guy, ...this what i have to say....When you have seen life taken so many times in front of your eyes, when you have seen a 90 old woman lose her husband of 60 years, or that young mother lose her first born, or a family of 4 kids lose thier daddy, you two would have your heart changed and be a little softer.

Within

All you have to do is open yourself up,
all you have to do is listen,
Where i have grown up they tried to stop me from hearing the music, but when i am alone it builds up within in me and if i could learn how to play it then the world might understand me!

One string at a time

So far I have been here just a little over 2 months now and many things have touched me. I sit back alot these days and observe the behavors of seattle people and i find them very fasincating. Its like everyone is so different! Its like they are all striving for the same thing, but all going about finding it on thier own terms and understanding. I am no longer looking or not sure I am even wanting, I am letting certian dreams and visions fade into black. For some reason I have had this feeling that my time may be cut short, how or why I dont know, but its a feeling that maybe I was sent here to complete one final thing in life before flying away. I have overcome many set backs health wise and I am stronger than ever, i think my patients sometimes look up to me for encouragement and hope and I hope that I have touched a few along the way and give them reason to keep pushing!

hmmmmm

Ok just a few things on my mind...Firs thing first, people if you want to lose weight or get the most out f your work out, you dont eat much before excercising, a buddy at work was asking why he couldnt lose weight, he would take all this energy/calorie stuff just before, you see when you do thatt you tend to burn the calories you just ate not what you have stored up..lol Secondly.....

Ok, so there is this gal, she is 20, just had a baby in dec..she is a sweat heart and seems to know what she wants, and i wont lie i am very attracted to her and vice versa, my heart says yes, but my mind says steve, you know better than to date a gal so young..i am trying to be open minded, but i just dont want to get burned again. This is the first girl that has taken any interest in me in the past 2 years, so i am like omg, a girl likes me....sad huh, but unlike other guys, i tend to be a softie at times and girls dont like softies that have thier stuff together they like guys who are badasses and have thier thier stuff all messed up...so i need some advice, do i go for her and see what happens? and to be honest i will probably go after to her despite what anyone says...lol i do have to say i am glad its not a guy hitting on me this time, i will say i am tired of guys trying to pick me up, i am striaght and thats just how it is...i like woman, not men!!! to each thier own...:) if this dont work i am getting me a mail order bride...lol...j/k i think

Complete Freedom

Yesterday for the first time in two year I went snowboarding. Due to life changing events I missed last season. I went with a friend from work and we took off at 6am to catch a shuttle just 40 miles outside stevens pass. I didnt have any boarding pants so i ended up wearing hot chilli spandex under some jeans and it worked out very well. I have never hit fresh powder before so it was quiet an experience. The first few runs on the powder I whipped out a few times and had to dig myself out, within a few runs I was already hitting the jumps and let me tell jumps on powder is just so awesome, i felt so free and .....yeah free...lol There was a funny moment though, I was coming down pretty fast and i notce this group of 3 girls sitting down so i slowed down so i would not hit them and as i approached a little closer one of them look at me (they were cute) and i looked back with comlete innocense and I must have just lost track of my board and i face planted right between them and they giggled and said Well hello....its nice to meet you...lol So at this oint I am sure i turned a little red but I kept it together and said hi and talked for a second and got back up and continued on my journey. That eveningas i entered the bus to head back people were like man your hardcorp for wearing just jeans...and i laughed...well i didnt laugh very long cause i realized that now that i was not snowboarding anymore i was starting to get cold and my jeans became drenched, so my buddy was like just take your pants off and wear your spandex, i was like no dude i will look funny and wierd. Well after shivering my butt off, i finally broke down and took off my jeans and wore just the spandex ...lmao So here i was snow boots, spandex pants, 2 fleeces, a beanie, and ear warmer fleece on....let me tell you all the girls where checking my butt out....and the guys would look at me then quickly look away...it was priceless.....lol Well today I am here at the house relaxing and i might go for a walk or something, i was going to go hiking but people were like the weather is suppose to be really bad...wait wait...is that the sun shining outside....hmmmmm

My worst fear just came true

I was playing soccer last sunday and pulled my groin muscle and now when i walk at a certian angle there feels like a bone popping out...AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Regardless i am hiking tommorrow no matter how bad it hurts, i will ice it tonight and stretch. On other news, i am glad 2008 is over, turns out i had another friend killed just days before christmas, raising the death of my friends last year to 4...my goal is to make friends and not have them pass away this year...i know i make this sound funny, but in my line of profession death is a normal thing, although i have my ups and downs and right now i cant afford to be sad, so dedicate all my friends who have been taken prematurely last year I will climb to the top of Mt. Rainer and do my famous pose for you...:) p.s. i got me some spandex pants..damn i have nice legs...lol